I Know!

If I were on your side of the computer, reader, reading the last few posts of mine, I'd maybe roll my eyes at the rapid descent I'd taken into contemplative thought based on one date.  I can't stand a drama queen.  Unless it's me.  My drama is never queen-ish... So.  You have to stand me too.  I wave my drama queen scepter at you and command you to read on.

I can't explain it, but after a conversation this evening with a wise woman friend of mine, I can say, I just know.  HA!  And yesterday, I did NOT know!  I still don't know the things I didn't know yesterday, but the knowledge of my excitement, my enthusiasm to open my life to Josh and to better know his life and his children is real.  After one date.  How drama queen is that?  How reckless and irresponsible!  In a heartbeat, I would have harshly judged another SMILF feeling this way.

My guard has been up and my insecurities have dominated all of my previous relationships.  Every. Single. One.  It's not present now.  

There was no pooping before Sunday Scrabble.  I wasn't really nervous.  There was already an ease in our communication that had me feeling like I was just headed over to the home of someone I've always known.  I made us tea in his kitchen while he played with my daughter.  I didn't feel like the whole relationship was riding on whether or not he noticed a zit somewhere on me.  This early stuff?  It's easy.  It's familiar.  I've never experienced anything like it. 

So anyhow... his reply to "I don't know" was via text: "SO.  You wanna hang out this weekend? x "

Via email reply, he's sorry he drew a line, and was being cautious.  He'll take it day by day with me... and he wants me to meet his kids!  I guess we're over being cautious!

I want to do what makes me happy today, as many comments have stated...other than planning for his arrival in my currently horribly dirty house this Saturday evening... that does tarnish my happiness a bit.  What to serve with red wine and Scrabble.... hmmm....