Jess - Josh is 34 to my 33, by almost exactly one year. Boy started making babies young-ish, by my elderly parenting standards.
So... today is coffee with Brett. Ya'll feel it's useful. So, I go and await bedazzling conversation and... a free coffee. Or an opportunity to say, "I told you so!". I don't even think I'll feel like pooping I'm so uninvested.
Stay tuned for "The Afternoon Report" for a post date wrap up.
OH! Almost forgot - got an email from Doug making a light hearted comment about one of my Facebook status' from last week. He received a clipped 4 word reply... See readers! I told you! That shoulder was icing!
Showing posts with label online dating. Show all posts
Showing posts with label online dating. Show all posts
Tuesday, November 9, 2010
Thursday, November 4, 2010
A Date! A Date!
I'm having lunch with Brian on Friday, around the corner from my office.
NO DATE SCHEDULED YET WITH JOSH (Edited for clarity lol) That creative guy, the one I swore would fizzle... we have a friend in common on Facebook. He summers in my hometown... small world! His name is Josh. He has been separated for FIVE years, has 2 children and is very cute. He makes me nervous. In a "He's super cool" way. Cool people freak me out.
NO DATE SCHEDULED YET WITH JOSH (Edited for clarity lol) That creative guy, the one I swore would fizzle... we have a friend in common on Facebook. He summers in my hometown... small world! His name is Josh. He has been separated for FIVE years, has 2 children and is very cute. He makes me nervous. In a "He's super cool" way. Cool people freak me out.
Tuesday, November 2, 2010
All New for November
I'm scrapping all current men. Or back burnering? Can I -ing that phrase?
Absolutely, Jess, I have a little growing resentment towards Doug. If he asked me out, I'd go in a 1/4 of a heartbeat. I'm well over being kept on the stringer and hoping. Reread my first post - I'm a catch. Why am I waiting on one man to see that? Over it. I've got the shoulder icing for his next text, should there be one. He is officially on the back burner.
Brett BBMs about work... sends me images of his work trucks... complains about his staff... uh, I feel like we've been married 32 years already. He's boring. I'm passing.
Brian, the short one, is 5'6" and 42. I do enjoy the light chat we've had, but really, I'm 5'6 and I like heels... and his picture is the pits... we're on MSN tomorrow (I'm home - The Girl is crazy sick), and if he can't send me one decent picture, I'm ignoring him.
Ummmmm who else is there? We already know Rylan uses phrases like, "Nothin' wrong with a little extra meat."
Oh wait, no, you didn't, but I did and saved it for later use. Ha!
I'm on a total bitch roll, right? I should start tracking my period. I have no idea if that passes as my excuse or not.
So, we're left at All New for November! I did receive messages from two single dads. One is a police officer a la Doug (strike ONE!), and the other is listed as "renovator/artist"... I'm sure that one will fizzle... creative thinkers tend to frustrate my analytical mind. They are both too new for naming.
Absolutely, Jess, I have a little growing resentment towards Doug. If he asked me out, I'd go in a 1/4 of a heartbeat. I'm well over being kept on the stringer and hoping. Reread my first post - I'm a catch. Why am I waiting on one man to see that? Over it. I've got the shoulder icing for his next text, should there be one. He is officially on the back burner.
Brett BBMs about work... sends me images of his work trucks... complains about his staff... uh, I feel like we've been married 32 years already. He's boring. I'm passing.
Brian, the short one, is 5'6" and 42. I do enjoy the light chat we've had, but really, I'm 5'6 and I like heels... and his picture is the pits... we're on MSN tomorrow (I'm home - The Girl is crazy sick), and if he can't send me one decent picture, I'm ignoring him.
Ummmmm who else is there? We already know Rylan uses phrases like, "Nothin' wrong with a little extra meat."
Oh wait, no, you didn't, but I did and saved it for later use. Ha!
I'm on a total bitch roll, right? I should start tracking my period. I have no idea if that passes as my excuse or not.
So, we're left at All New for November! I did receive messages from two single dads. One is a police officer a la Doug (strike ONE!), and the other is listed as "renovator/artist"... I'm sure that one will fizzle... creative thinkers tend to frustrate my analytical mind. They are both too new for naming.
Tuesday, October 26, 2010
Texting As a Form of Torture
I know, you're just dyyyyyyying to hear about Rylan. Tough tittie. I'm telling the Doug text story first.
DON'T you DARE scroll past this part of the post! This is the guy that is too nice to simply go away. I think. That's my current theory. I welcome input.
It's been about 6 weeks since Doug said he would ask me out in "6 months. Tops." and every 2 weeks I get a nice smiley text from him, "Happy Thanksgiving!", and weekly he comments on my Facebook status with something adorable regarding The Girl.
Sunday night, I get this text: "OMG. The photos of u and The Girl are totally adorable!!!! What a handful she must be!!!!! *SMILEY FACE*
So, my little heart starts to beat fast, and I get a huge happy grin... because I'm an IDIOT WHO LOVES TO BE REFUSED.
Guess what SMILF does?
Starts asking about his job, and his life, and how he's been... anything to drag out the conversation... instead of simply saying, "Thanks. Fuck off. You hurt my feelings."
Skip about 10 text exchanges, and he tells me he's going camping this week, instead of an island in the sun with alcohol.
I say..."No alcohol, I guess that rules out drunk texts".
He says..."Meh. I can sober text with drunken tendency????
Me... Lol... That's talent (I know, reader. Fecking lame.)
Doug... Lol. I try.
At this point, I opt to "phone a friend". I BBM Jane, in Calgary. All my spidey senses say, "DON'T TEXT ANYTHING ELSE. Your pride depends on it." Jane concurs. I text anyway. ARGH! I could slap me.
SMILF... Well, I'll keep my toes crossed that you get bored and cold enough out there that you send me naughty texts. Have fun!
AND THEN...
No reply. I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY!
No, I don't. I hate that I sent that last message, even though I knew not to. I hate that it always seems I want what I can't have. I hate that he's so nice and not mine.
Anyhow. That's that story.
Today, I walked into the gym with my mouth full of "Hey! You didn't call me Saturday!" for Rylan. Swallowed it.
He was talking to a gym bunny. He looked up and said, "Hi SMILF! You're early, no?". I said, "No. I'm actually a little late."
That's it. He wasn't at the desk when I left.
Brett did some BBM today. Nothing titillating to report, so that's all I'll say on that. No plans to meet. Should I ask him out? Do any men ask women out anymore? Did that change while I was on mat leave, and I missed the memo? Did the balls fall off all men? Why am I trying to grow a set? I'm a DAME!
Headed over to my MSN icon to sign in and see if Theo's around. Maybe I'll ask him to webcam and confirm he has nuts. Edit to add - I deleted him. He wasn't online, but he was on POF.
AND edit to add... tonight I got this email from "Roof God". "Hi there i have a nice smile."
Looooooooove it. Thanks for sharing.
DON'T you DARE scroll past this part of the post! This is the guy that is too nice to simply go away. I think. That's my current theory. I welcome input.
It's been about 6 weeks since Doug said he would ask me out in "6 months. Tops." and every 2 weeks I get a nice smiley text from him, "Happy Thanksgiving!", and weekly he comments on my Facebook status with something adorable regarding The Girl.
Sunday night, I get this text: "OMG. The photos of u and The Girl are totally adorable!!!! What a handful she must be!!!!! *SMILEY FACE*
So, my little heart starts to beat fast, and I get a huge happy grin... because I'm an IDIOT WHO LOVES TO BE REFUSED.
Guess what SMILF does?
Starts asking about his job, and his life, and how he's been... anything to drag out the conversation... instead of simply saying, "Thanks. Fuck off. You hurt my feelings."
Skip about 10 text exchanges, and he tells me he's going camping this week, instead of an island in the sun with alcohol.
I say..."No alcohol, I guess that rules out drunk texts".
He says..."Meh. I can sober text with drunken tendency????
Me... Lol... That's talent (I know, reader. Fecking lame.)
Doug... Lol. I try.
At this point, I opt to "phone a friend". I BBM Jane, in Calgary. All my spidey senses say, "DON'T TEXT ANYTHING ELSE. Your pride depends on it." Jane concurs. I text anyway. ARGH! I could slap me.
SMILF... Well, I'll keep my toes crossed that you get bored and cold enough out there that you send me naughty texts. Have fun!
AND THEN...
No reply. I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY!
No, I don't. I hate that I sent that last message, even though I knew not to. I hate that it always seems I want what I can't have. I hate that he's so nice and not mine.
Anyhow. That's that story.
Today, I walked into the gym with my mouth full of "Hey! You didn't call me Saturday!" for Rylan. Swallowed it.
He was talking to a gym bunny. He looked up and said, "Hi SMILF! You're early, no?". I said, "No. I'm actually a little late."
That's it. He wasn't at the desk when I left.
Brett did some BBM today. Nothing titillating to report, so that's all I'll say on that. No plans to meet. Should I ask him out? Do any men ask women out anymore? Did that change while I was on mat leave, and I missed the memo? Did the balls fall off all men? Why am I trying to grow a set? I'm a DAME!
Headed over to my MSN icon to sign in and see if Theo's around. Maybe I'll ask him to webcam and confirm he has nuts. Edit to add - I deleted him. He wasn't online, but he was on POF.
AND edit to add... tonight I got this email from "Roof God". "Hi there i have a nice smile."
Looooooooove it. Thanks for sharing.
Monday, October 25, 2010
The Weekend Update
This is gonna be a long one.
I don't like blonde jokes. Even if I've never heard it before - it's obnoxious. Fellers - do not try to woo a blonde with a blonde joke - "Your pritty, and HEY! Here's a joke that lets you know I think you're sort of stupid, too! My kinda gal!". Note photo: it's naturally blonde. I'm not laughing at your joke.
You almost had me! Then you opened your mouth one time too many! That's the current theme of POF.
So... blew it Friday with Rylan - AGAIN. Position as life coach - still open.
Walked into the gym Friday, and Rylan hollars, "Hey, SMILF! You sign up for the raffle yet?"
"Nope. But I LOVE free stuff... what do I win?"
"No idea. It's still to be decided."
Weird. But whatever... I take the ticket he hands me. Rylan says, "Write your name and number, and I'll call you on Saturday!"
Then he waggles his eyebrows.
This is how out of touch I am with the dating world: I think he's telling me the draw is on Saturday, and maybe I'll win.
So I say, "GREAT!", and proceed to complete the ticket with my name and WORK NUMBER, and saunter off to the change room. There, as I'm tying my shoes, it occurs to me that it's another SMILF Fail.
On the way out he popped his head out of the office to yell, "Bye SMILF!"... and I yelled back, "Bye Rylan."
Using his name feels ballsy. Would you believe I've known it since he signed me up for the gym 2 months ago, and have never once used it.
IF, and I think we all know this is a hypothetical and not likely to be the case Monday, but IF I grow a "set" between now and the time I walk through the door, the plan is to say, "Hey! You didn't call me Saturday!"
This is important:
Do NOT hold your breath.
As I was mulling my idiocy... I realized - it's been TEN YEARS since I picked someone up sober or offline, on my own. I'm used to dating sites, or being obviously hit on and asked out, or set ups. No wonder I'm braindead.
As for Brett... we spent ALL weekend, up to about the middle of Saturday Night Live on BBM. He's not really flirty. He's just chatty. We've still never met, and he hasn't mentioned it since I mentioned us meeting this coming week.
Here's the thing. We were chatting about music and totally innocent stuff all night Saturday, when at the end of the night, he says, "I think I'm going to bed... or driving to your house for a back rub"...
DOUBLE-U TEE EFF?
I am not a prude. I LOVE booty calls in a relationship... keeps it fresh. We are not IN a relationship. We hadn't even flirted via BBM. WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET. And I'm tired at the time. So I immediately jump to... what a pig.
I reply with, "Yeah, no. I definitely would never invite a stranger into my home at midnight, ever, let alone with my kid here. Try asking me out for something tamer first?"
No reply. I go to bed.
In the morning, I think... ya, I'm pretty sure there should have been a winky face on his message. I've been talking to him for a week and had no "creep" vibe. I feel bad.
Sunday morning, I message - "I really have enjoyed talking with you. I assume you were joking last night - I was tired, sorry I snapped!
He only replied, "I totally was kidding". That's it. From a guy that has been messaging me nonstop for a week. I instigated a lighthearted message a few hours later, and only got a "haha". I went back to Frogs. I think I blew it.
Chatting on MSN, as I write this, with Theo, a POF guy.
This post is really long, and I need to go to bed and grow the needed "set" for tomorrow. I think I'll post tomorrow about the texts from DOUG this weekend. Seriously. You'll have to come back tomorrow to read about how Doug dangled his adorableness in front of my nose again. And didn't ask me out.
I don't like blonde jokes. Even if I've never heard it before - it's obnoxious. Fellers - do not try to woo a blonde with a blonde joke - "Your pritty, and HEY! Here's a joke that lets you know I think you're sort of stupid, too! My kinda gal!". Note photo: it's naturally blonde. I'm not laughing at your joke.
You almost had me! Then you opened your mouth one time too many! That's the current theme of POF.
So... blew it Friday with Rylan - AGAIN. Position as life coach - still open.
Walked into the gym Friday, and Rylan hollars, "Hey, SMILF! You sign up for the raffle yet?"
"Nope. But I LOVE free stuff... what do I win?"
"No idea. It's still to be decided."
Weird. But whatever... I take the ticket he hands me. Rylan says, "Write your name and number, and I'll call you on Saturday!"
Then he waggles his eyebrows.
This is how out of touch I am with the dating world: I think he's telling me the draw is on Saturday, and maybe I'll win.
So I say, "GREAT!", and proceed to complete the ticket with my name and WORK NUMBER, and saunter off to the change room. There, as I'm tying my shoes, it occurs to me that it's another SMILF Fail.
On the way out he popped his head out of the office to yell, "Bye SMILF!"... and I yelled back, "Bye Rylan."
Using his name feels ballsy. Would you believe I've known it since he signed me up for the gym 2 months ago, and have never once used it.
IF, and I think we all know this is a hypothetical and not likely to be the case Monday, but IF I grow a "set" between now and the time I walk through the door, the plan is to say, "Hey! You didn't call me Saturday!"
This is important:
Do NOT hold your breath.
As I was mulling my idiocy... I realized - it's been TEN YEARS since I picked someone up sober or offline, on my own. I'm used to dating sites, or being obviously hit on and asked out, or set ups. No wonder I'm braindead.
As for Brett... we spent ALL weekend, up to about the middle of Saturday Night Live on BBM. He's not really flirty. He's just chatty. We've still never met, and he hasn't mentioned it since I mentioned us meeting this coming week.
Here's the thing. We were chatting about music and totally innocent stuff all night Saturday, when at the end of the night, he says, "I think I'm going to bed... or driving to your house for a back rub"...
DOUBLE-U TEE EFF?
I am not a prude. I LOVE booty calls in a relationship... keeps it fresh. We are not IN a relationship. We hadn't even flirted via BBM. WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET. And I'm tired at the time. So I immediately jump to... what a pig.
I reply with, "Yeah, no. I definitely would never invite a stranger into my home at midnight, ever, let alone with my kid here. Try asking me out for something tamer first?"
No reply. I go to bed.
In the morning, I think... ya, I'm pretty sure there should have been a winky face on his message. I've been talking to him for a week and had no "creep" vibe. I feel bad.
Sunday morning, I message - "I really have enjoyed talking with you. I assume you were joking last night - I was tired, sorry I snapped!
He only replied, "I totally was kidding". That's it. From a guy that has been messaging me nonstop for a week. I instigated a lighthearted message a few hours later, and only got a "haha". I went back to Frogs. I think I blew it.
Chatting on MSN, as I write this, with Theo, a POF guy.
This post is really long, and I need to go to bed and grow the needed "set" for tomorrow. I think I'll post tomorrow about the texts from DOUG this weekend. Seriously. You'll have to come back tomorrow to read about how Doug dangled his adorableness in front of my nose again. And didn't ask me out.
Thursday, October 21, 2010
Sooooo...
I've found my dream guy... and his name is Liz Lemon. I have a big girl crush. If anyone knows Tina Fey...
I spent half the afternoon BBMing (BlackBerry Messenger-ing, for all you troglodytes... me, until about 2 months ago) with Brett. Um... I don't know... he seems nice. He tells me he's not a jerk, so that's something! We're going to meet for lunch next week, we work sort of near each other.
Did I mention he's 30? He assures me I'm not a cougar unless I show up in leopard, feed him Coors Light and try to take him home with me. I checked, and subbing in zebra and Hoegaarden does not make me a cougar either.
Other than that, there's not much funny going on online. I've exchanged emails with the teacher, and we may meet in the next week or two - though I think we may not... he doesn't seem very funny, and funny almost always equals cute to me.
Get to see Rylan today! Whee! I'll make sure I'm wearing non sticky lipgloss for the reunion makeout sesh.
I spent half the afternoon BBMing (BlackBerry Messenger-ing, for all you troglodytes... me, until about 2 months ago) with Brett. Um... I don't know... he seems nice. He tells me he's not a jerk, so that's something! We're going to meet for lunch next week, we work sort of near each other.
Did I mention he's 30? He assures me I'm not a cougar unless I show up in leopard, feed him Coors Light and try to take him home with me. I checked, and subbing in zebra and Hoegaarden does not make me a cougar either.
Other than that, there's not much funny going on online. I've exchanged emails with the teacher, and we may meet in the next week or two - though I think we may not... he doesn't seem very funny, and funny almost always equals cute to me.
Get to see Rylan today! Whee! I'll make sure I'm wearing non sticky lipgloss for the reunion makeout sesh.
Wednesday, October 20, 2010
Snooze
So, last night I gave my Blackberry pin to a guy from POF. He's 3 years younger than me. We're chatting on BBM RIGHT NOW. I'll call him Brett. He's cute, I think? I put no stock in profile pictures... everyone picks their best one, right? Plus, he could have no teeth. He's not showing any.
Super lame post today! Sorry! Until Thursday my real job has me at a conference, so I won't be seeing Rylan until then - maybe he'll well up when he sees me and tell me how he thought he'd lost me, and confess his deep feelings? Then we'll make out for 10 minutes while music swells in the background?
Oh geez. I really need to lay off the romantic comedies.
Super lame post today! Sorry! Until Thursday my real job has me at a conference, so I won't be seeing Rylan until then - maybe he'll well up when he sees me and tell me how he thought he'd lost me, and confess his deep feelings? Then we'll make out for 10 minutes while music swells in the background?
Oh geez. I really need to lay off the romantic comedies.
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
My POF profile
To address all the positive comments from readers yesterday - have no fear, I'll keep trying. If I quit, I swear I'll never date. To jesslikesstuff - I'm WAY ballsier online, making opening a dialogue so much easier, plus, online it's evident, "SMILF LOOKING TO DATE"... and unless I wear a tee into the gym for Rylan, there's no way for timid ol SMILF to get that across to him with "Hi" and "Bye" being our only reliable conversations. Do you know a good printer taking small orders?
Today's winner, from a 29 year old (I'm 33)... one line in my inbox:
danng for a white chick you got sum great curves
Well, danng, for a "mixed race with black hair" you got sum great lines
Not.
Got an email from the teacher, and there's a couple guys I'm chatting with, no stand outs to report. I'm getting good feedback on my profile when it's NOT emails like the above - since there's not much to report, I thought I'd let you read the profile and comment to your heart's content... Enjoy!
Today's winner, from a 29 year old (I'm 33)... one line in my inbox:
danng for a white chick you got sum great curves
Well, danng, for a "mixed race with black hair" you got sum great lines
Not.
Got an email from the teacher, and there's a couple guys I'm chatting with, no stand outs to report. I'm getting good feedback on my profile when it's NOT emails like the above - since there's not much to report, I thought I'd let you read the profile and comment to your heart's content... Enjoy!
About Me
Hi!
I'm just starting out in the dating game as a single mom to a 2 year old. It's... different! Definitely happy and content with life as a mom, and have a good job I'm happy with... it makes dating less urgent somehow? Taking my time to find someone as awesome as the two of us :)
I like to write and read, bake and crochet. Hiking and the great outdoors are where I'd like to spend more time - I was raised in a small country town 3 hours from the GTA - and I'm still a country girl at heart... I even *gasp* prefer country music, though I'm down with the Dean Blundell Show too :)
I'm really looking for dating/long term... the 20's and casual hookups kinda gross me out - I like cute guys with nice smiles that doubt I mean it when I tell them I think they're hot because they don't see it :)
And being a gentleman goes a long way.
I'm just starting out in the dating game as a single mom to a 2 year old. It's... different! Definitely happy and content with life as a mom, and have a good job I'm happy with... it makes dating less urgent somehow? Taking my time to find someone as awesome as the two of us :)
I like to write and read, bake and crochet. Hiking and the great outdoors are where I'd like to spend more time - I was raised in a small country town 3 hours from the GTA - and I'm still a country girl at heart... I even *gasp* prefer country music, though I'm down with the Dean Blundell Show too :)
I'm really looking for dating/long term... the 20's and casual hookups kinda gross me out - I like cute guys with nice smiles that doubt I mean it when I tell them I think they're hot because they don't see it :)
And being a gentleman goes a long way.
First Date
There would be coffee. And laughter. Or no second date :)
Monday, October 18, 2010
Spent The Weekend Frogging...
Seen on profile that contacted me:
If you message me.. Please no wh0res, I'm not 19 anymore!!!
So I did not respond.
What girl reads that and says, "Oh, I'm a total loose caboose... I guess he's not for me." COME ON! The only thing he's warning off are nice women. Idiot.
Plenty of Frogs makes me feel really dirty. You know how you've feel when you've been eating well, and you're in a pinch one morning, so you stop at McDonalds for the first time in 4 months and decide to get your old fallback, The Big Mac, big sized, and you eat it in the car and it TASTES. SO. GOOD. and then you drop some sauce on your collar
*pause for air*
and you finish it quickly and after 5 minutes you just feel ashamed and queasy that you'd been doing so well with your diet and now FLUCK IT! You might as well give up. You feel greasy, and fat. And horrid. And hours later, you can still smell the burger from the spot on your collar and it makes you want to barf and reminds you of your shame all over again...
That's Plenty of Frogs. Instant gratification from the messages that pour in, but it's all garbage. And the email reminders from the site to your inbox saying you've got new mail later that day... that's the spot of sauce on your collar reminding you all day that you went there.
There's plenty of action, for sure. I've only searched twice, and yet, my inbox is filled with messages. 99% of them are this message or a variation on it:
Your pritty
Ew
I'm going to keep logging on, because if I stop, I know I'll just stop trying to be anything other than a mommy altogether. I'm a little discouraged. Plus, I do giggle regularly reading the profiles of men that think I might fall for them based on, "hey ur eyes r nice watdo you like to do 4 fun"
The Footnote, Doug, commented cuteness on my FB status this weekend. Stupid nice guy. I'm deleting him March 15th, 2011 if he hasn't asked me out again by then. Remind me.
SMILF owt.
If you message me.. Please no wh0res, I'm not 19 anymore!!!
So I did not respond.
What girl reads that and says, "Oh, I'm a total loose caboose... I guess he's not for me." COME ON! The only thing he's warning off are nice women. Idiot.
Plenty of Frogs makes me feel really dirty. You know how you've feel when you've been eating well, and you're in a pinch one morning, so you stop at McDonalds for the first time in 4 months and decide to get your old fallback, The Big Mac, big sized, and you eat it in the car and it TASTES. SO. GOOD. and then you drop some sauce on your collar
*pause for air*
and you finish it quickly and after 5 minutes you just feel ashamed and queasy that you'd been doing so well with your diet and now FLUCK IT! You might as well give up. You feel greasy, and fat. And horrid. And hours later, you can still smell the burger from the spot on your collar and it makes you want to barf and reminds you of your shame all over again...
That's Plenty of Frogs. Instant gratification from the messages that pour in, but it's all garbage. And the email reminders from the site to your inbox saying you've got new mail later that day... that's the spot of sauce on your collar reminding you all day that you went there.
There's plenty of action, for sure. I've only searched twice, and yet, my inbox is filled with messages. 99% of them are this message or a variation on it:
Your pritty
Ew
I'm going to keep logging on, because if I stop, I know I'll just stop trying to be anything other than a mommy altogether. I'm a little discouraged. Plus, I do giggle regularly reading the profiles of men that think I might fall for them based on, "hey ur eyes r nice watdo you like to do 4 fun"
The Footnote, Doug, commented cuteness on my FB status this weekend. Stupid nice guy. I'm deleting him March 15th, 2011 if he hasn't asked me out again by then. Remind me.
SMILF owt.
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