Short Report

I might have to trim my "daily" posts to only posting when I actually have something to tell you.  I have tiny tidbits for you:

1.  Brett BBMd me to tell me his best friend was killed in a car accident.  I'm staying in close contact with him... he wanted to tell someone not close to the situation.  That's a shitty, shitty, horrid thing.  I hope I have words when he needs them.

2.  During my text date with Josh last night, I learned the following about him:
- He likes pie and bakes it, he recently ate a Bulk Barn sized bar of chocolate in one sitting, he has a mustache for Movember, he's a potty mouth like moi, he plays geetar, he drinks chamomile tea and is QUILTING, and old farts can be dead sexy.  This morning he texted, "I know I'm acting like a BF, but my morning wouldn't be complete without saying 'Good Morning'."  He's so cute.

And he's calling me riiiiight now.  Ciao.

Coffee, Emails, Butter Tarts

It's been a ridiculously busy weekend in my love life!

When Brian and I parted on Friday, he asked if he could call me, and I said, "Sure!", while staring at the ground.  That's why I needed to figure out how to let him know I wasn't interested.  My post was not complete, sorry!

So, an email was sent to Brian, letting him know he was a really cool, intelligent coffee date, but there was no physical spark there.  If I had received it, my ego would have taken a hit, but what else was the option?  Better than ignoring, right? 

He emailed back with the same message and a "Let's be friends, if you promise you can keep it platonic *winky face*". 

That one, I AM going to ignore.

Then Backburner Brett BBMd me and asked me to do lunch coffee.  I accepted.  That's on for Tuesday.

Josh and I had been emailing and texting furiously on Friday and Saturday, and on Saturday night at about 9, we had an almost 2 hour phone call.  Both of us hung up a few times to tend to little kid needs (his are 10 and 8 - I can't remember if I had reported ages, and if I had, if it was reported accurately), but it was definitely the longest call I've had in 10 years? 

I detest the phone.  I use it to make plans.  That's it.  This is Something.  To keep my nerves down, I told him I was going to put him on speaker and make a wreath while we talked.  There's a lot of anxiety for me in a phone call.  We all know how inconvenient my nervous habit would be during a PHONE CALL.  When would I flush?  Here's what I made, instead.  Maybe it will hang on our door 50 years from now?  In Hollywood, you KNOW it would.


So, we talked for two hours about our children, our parenting, our hobbies, our pasts... it was nice!  Only a couple awkward silences.  Those felt much longer than I'm sure they were.  He asked me for a lunch coffee, set for Thursday (since I'd agreed to a lunch coffee with Brett on Tuesday, and I have a running date with Rylan the gym on M-W-Fs).

Before we hung up, he said, "So, essentially, we've just had our first date!"

Really - we really did!  Single parents do some phone dating!

He added me on Facebook, posted on my wall and texted me this morning.  I think he likes me.

He also asked me this morning to make butter tarts with him next weekend.  I had said the only crusty thing I'd ever be tempted to try baking would be that delectable treat...

I'll save the whole internal struggle over the butter tarts invite for another day...

This Week Brought To You By The Letter "TEXT".

Oh, Don Draper.  You win.  Rylan's a tool.  He's so pretty!  He was also very helpful, but a total airbag.   Sorry Jess!  He really is just a pogo!  There was really nothing attractive about him once we started talking.  The fantasy dies here.  Let's all observe a moment of solemn silence, and move on.

Did you see the title of this post?  Do you know where it's going?

I'm a devious little woman.  I DID NOT TEXT Doug.  I wrote and deleted 100 texts today, and sent not a one.  You can't flog me.  But...

You knew that "but" was coming, right?  Only smarties read this blog.  So, BUUUUUT...

I know Doug.  He can't resist a funny, cute Facebook status about poop and "The Girl".... so I wrote one. 

*bats eyelashes*

WHAT?!?!?! Totally innocent!  How can you point a finger at me?  All I did was relay a super cute kid tale.  Shut up!

*phone blips*

Doug (D) - I laugh my ass off everytime I read a poop story!  I love it! *Smiley Face*
SMILF (S) - She's a funny little twerp, that's for sure!
D - God, the stories just make me smile.  You guys are awesome.
S - Thanks!  I'm feeling particularly smooshy about life tonight... that put me over the top!
D - Smooshy???  And you're welcome.  I only speak the truth.
S - Yeah.  Smooshy.  Soft, fuzzy, big, warm, grateful, humbled, pleased... all in one word.
D - Excellent!  Very happy to hear that!  I'll hope to use that word too!
S- I'll hope that for you too.  I was thinking tonight that the wonder of having a child is that you can never regret a single event leading up to her, or you wouldn't have THAT kid... and then all the things that hurt after her could be one event closer to that next person you wouldn't change for anything.  My deep thought for the year.  I'm so not an efficient texter.

Aside - Seriously.  Who SENDS text messages that long?  Sigh.

D - *Big Toothy Grin Face*

15 minutes go by.  Then, stupid, cute Doug changes his Facebook status to "Doug hopes to be able to use 'smooshy' in a sentence."

I HAD TO TEXT!  I'm sorry, but you people offer me no support at 9 pm.

S - Can you try not to be so awesome and sweet?  It keeps making me forget you're an idiot.
D - Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Dammit, I just choked on my drink of water.  Umm, I'll try to stop.  Be more idiot like.
S - Or ask me out.  Whatever.
D - Just sayin?
S - Just wishin.
D - *smiley face*
S - But only because you want to, not because you can't seem to say no to me.
D - LOL... but either way...
S - Either way you remain an idiot?  Is that how that finishes?
D - Yes, I remain an idiot.  One who smiles at poop stories, but an idiot nonetheless.  Hope you don't mind, I'm creeping you on Facebook right now... LMAO!  I gotta snap out of this idiot phase!!!  *Refers to one of my vids of The Girl* hahahaha

At this point, I write a very long text about how I have to take him off my Facebook, because when we started dating, I didn't assume he was "testing the waters" or "unsure he was ready to date" and so I just dropped it and just plain liked him... and so everytime he texts or interacts on Facebook I get this hot, hopeful feeling with a huge grin... and frankly, I don't want to hear from him until he wants to ask me out.

I delete it.

S - I just wrote an email via text and deleted it.  STOP BEING CUTE!  -the jist of it
D - Ok.  Sorry.  I'll stop.
S - It's okay.  Only 18 more weeks until you ask me out.  Trust me, the online dating thing, while amusing, is affording you a lot of idiot time.  Lots of "Your pritty" and "so wat do youdo 4 fun".  Its okay, you can laugh!  I do!
D - Hahaha.  Well, I do agree.  Your pritty.
S - Your hansome.
D - *smiley face*

The end.

This better have a Hollywood ending.

Have a Happy Hallowe'en!  I'll be drinking Saturday night at a costume party (an "Event" in my life) while The Girl is at her grandparent's home... let's all bow our heads and pray that "Drunk Text" is NOT the title of Monday's post.

Texting, Again?

Doug sent me a text again.  Guess what I did?






WROOOOOOOOONG!

I played it cool.  It damn near killed me, and I think I'm greying from the effort - but I DID it.  I'm STILL doing it... because trust me, I think about sending him a text about every 3 minutes.  Kind of like quitting smoking.  I'm sure Day 3 will be the hardest too.

He let me know camping in the rain was all worth it, that it's not much fun doing it alone, but that he DID have fun.

I want a virtual hug after you read what I wrote: That's a great message!  I'm really glad it was a good experience after all. *smiley face*

See!?  See what I did there?!  Not open ended!  Not trying to engage in conversation!  Go me!

OH!  I just allllllmost texted him while I reviewed my text reply for this post.  Almost sent him, "All warm and dry?"

Shite, this is tough NOT BEING ME. 


Sorry Don Draper... guess what's happening tomorrow?

Well... Since joining the gym about 2 months ago, I've only used the treadmill to run.  I work out on my lunch, because I don't have care for Shae, and I go three times a week.  My incentive was that at 33, I was looking at my CALVES and seeing cellulite.  I didn't think humans had fat cells on calves?  So, I resolved to run those MFers off.  *Sorry to be coarse, but seriously.  I felt strongly about those dimples.

About 2 weeks ago, I noticed my calves, thighs and butt are pretty much dimple free!  So, being a woman, I found something else to hate.  My sagging baby belly fat, and my jiggly upper arms.  Both not atrocious, but certainly worthy of some healthy, womanly self hate. 

But!  No way was I going to add more gym days to do weights!  That was my excuse.

Really though... I just had no idea what those freaking machines did, and really didn't want Rylan to come over and ask me "not to use the ab machine for weird butt thrusts", ya know?

So I kept heading to the treadmill.

But on my way out today... I asked Rylan if he wouldn't mind showing me how to use a couple of the machines.  It's on like Donkey Kong.  One on one time.  Full report will follow.  I can't POSSIBLY stay mute the whole time, right?  Eat it, Draper! 

I shaved my legs for it.  It's okay to laugh.

Texting As a Form of Torture

I know, you're just dyyyyyyying to hear about Rylan.  Tough tittie.  I'm telling the Doug text story first.

DON'T you DARE scroll past this part of the post!  This is the guy that is too nice to simply go away.  I think.  That's my current theory.  I welcome input.

It's been about 6 weeks since Doug said he would ask me out in "6 months.  Tops." and every 2 weeks I get a nice smiley text from him, "Happy Thanksgiving!", and weekly he comments on my Facebook status with something adorable regarding The Girl.

Sunday night, I get this text:  "OMG.  The photos of u and The Girl are totally adorable!!!! What a handful she must be!!!!! *SMILEY FACE*

So, my little heart starts to beat fast, and I get a huge happy grin... because I'm an IDIOT WHO LOVES TO BE REFUSED.

Guess what SMILF does?

Starts asking about his job, and his life, and how he's been... anything to drag out the conversation... instead of simply saying, "Thanks.  Fuck off.  You hurt my feelings."

Skip about 10 text exchanges, and he tells me he's going camping this week, instead of an island in the sun with alcohol.

I say..."No alcohol, I guess that rules out drunk texts".

He says..."Meh.  I can sober text with drunken tendency????

Me... Lol... That's talent (I know, reader.  Fecking lame.)

Doug... Lol.  I try.

At this point, I opt to "phone a friend".  I BBM Jane, in Calgary.  All my spidey senses say, "DON'T TEXT ANYTHING ELSE.  Your pride depends on it."  Jane concurs.  I text anyway.  ARGH!  I could slap me.

SMILF... Well, I'll keep my toes crossed that you get bored and cold enough out there that you send me naughty texts.  Have fun!

AND THEN...

No reply.  I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY!

No, I don't.  I hate that I sent that last message, even though I knew not to.  I hate that it always seems I want what I can't have.  I hate that he's so nice and not mine.

Anyhow.  That's that story.


Today, I walked into the gym with my mouth full of "Hey!  You didn't call me Saturday!" for Rylan.  Swallowed it.

He was talking to a gym bunny.  He looked up and said, "Hi SMILF!  You're early, no?".  I said, "No.  I'm actually a little late."

That's it.  He wasn't at the desk when I left.


Brett did some BBM today.  Nothing titillating to report, so that's all I'll say on that.  No plans to meet.  Should I ask him out?  Do any men ask women out anymore?  Did that change while I was on mat leave, and I missed the memo?  Did the balls fall off all men?  Why am I trying to grow a set?  I'm a DAME!


Headed over to my MSN icon to sign in and see if Theo's around.  Maybe I'll ask him to webcam and confirm he has nuts.  Edit to add - I deleted him.  He wasn't online, but he was on POF.

AND edit to add... tonight I got this email from "Roof God".  "Hi there i have a nice smile."

Looooooooove it.  Thanks for sharing.