I know, you're just dyyyyyyying to hear about Rylan. Tough tittie. I'm telling the Doug text story first.
DON'T you DARE scroll past this part of the post! This is the guy that is too nice to simply go away. I think. That's my current theory. I welcome input.
It's been about 6 weeks since Doug said he would ask me out in "6 months. Tops." and every 2 weeks I get a nice smiley text from him, "Happy Thanksgiving!", and weekly he comments on my Facebook status with something adorable regarding The Girl.
Sunday night, I get this text: "OMG. The photos of u and The Girl are totally adorable!!!! What a handful she must be!!!!! *SMILEY FACE*
So, my little heart starts to beat fast, and I get a huge happy grin... because I'm an IDIOT WHO LOVES TO BE REFUSED.
Guess what SMILF does?
Starts asking about his job, and his life, and how he's been... anything to drag out the conversation... instead of simply saying, "Thanks. Fuck off. You hurt my feelings."
Skip about 10 text exchanges, and he tells me he's going camping this week, instead of an island in the sun with alcohol.
I say..."No alcohol, I guess that rules out drunk texts".
He says..."Meh. I can sober text with drunken tendency????
Me... Lol... That's talent (I know, reader. Fecking lame.)
Doug... Lol. I try.
At this point, I opt to "phone a friend". I BBM Jane, in Calgary. All my spidey senses say, "DON'T TEXT ANYTHING ELSE. Your pride depends on it." Jane concurs. I text anyway. ARGH! I could slap me.
SMILF... Well, I'll keep my toes crossed that you get bored and cold enough out there that you send me naughty texts. Have fun!
AND THEN...
No reply. I FUCKING HATE THIS GUY!
No, I don't. I hate that I sent that last message, even though I knew not to. I hate that it always seems I want what I can't have. I hate that he's so nice and not mine.
Anyhow. That's that story.
Today, I walked into the gym with my mouth full of "Hey! You didn't call me Saturday!" for Rylan. Swallowed it.
He was talking to a gym bunny. He looked up and said, "Hi SMILF! You're early, no?". I said, "No. I'm actually a little late."
That's it. He wasn't at the desk when I left.
Brett did some BBM today. Nothing titillating to report, so that's all I'll say on that. No plans to meet. Should I ask him out? Do any men ask women out anymore? Did that change while I was on mat leave, and I missed the memo? Did the balls fall off all men? Why am I trying to grow a set? I'm a DAME!
Headed over to my MSN icon to sign in and see if Theo's around. Maybe I'll ask him to webcam and confirm he has nuts. Edit to add - I deleted him. He wasn't online, but he was on POF.
AND edit to add... tonight I got this email from "Roof God". "Hi there i have a nice smile."
Looooooooove it. Thanks for sharing.
You are too nice and too concerned with other people's feelings for your own good!! Take a lesson from the Angry MILF-quit it!!
ReplyDeleteNext break go to Chapters and buy 'The Rules' Stop rolling your eyes, stop 'tsking' me just do it. I guarantee you will be beating them off with a stick and you will never be left hanging.
Go..go now...go now or I will have to find you and shove my old copy under your front door and it won't fit and the pages will kind of tear and it will jam under your door and you won't be able to open your front door, you will begin to panic and then frantically jump through your glass window
so at the risk of uncontrollable bleeding just go buy the book!
I seriously need to get 'The Rules' too...
ReplyDeleteSeriously SMILF, you and I are like parallel car wrecks that go on and on and on. We both want what we can't have. If these gems came easily to us, would we feel the same way??? Something to think about.
When do you see Rylan next? The Saturday card is NOT off the table. Play the Saturday card, I'm begging you!
Doug = Footnote. I'm still a fan of him. And still swoon a little when he comments about The Girl.... All that tells me is that he's still unavailable. YO DOUG - PROVE ME WRONG!!!!
Hmmmm....I would have sent that last text to Doug too. I get it.
ReplyDeleteI still think all attention must be focused on Rylan. I have a feeling. And WHEN I am right...well....maybe you'll hire me as your new life coach (and then promptly fire me because all the pieces in your life have fallen perfectly, magically into place)!
Next time you go to the gym and he is there, you MUST make like a gym bunny and actually STOP FOR A CHAT! Ask him some super-lame fitness questions. Whatever. Get a sense of whether he's in a relationship. Give him a sense that you're interested. DOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!
As for Doug: love The Girl comments. That's seriously sweet. But still - keep focused here...
Did someone just call Rylan "gem"? A mininum wage jock with a jaw bone. I understand the need to get laid, but every guy you pass on the street today is willing to help you in that department. You are very attractive and smart and witty. Please do not allow yourself to become a notch on his bed post. If you need to get laid that bad, go to a bar and within 1 hour you'll be accommodated.
ReplyDeleteLet me ask you this - if a male friend of your's told you all about a waitress or female version of Rylan wouldn't you snicker behind their back. Knowing that those people are only doing their jobs by being friendly.
Please move on, or at the very least, let me recommend a good vibrator for you.
Don - The gem comment was me… To clarify, I wasn't referring to Rylan, I was referring to Doug.
ReplyDeleteIt's a little judgemental to assume Rylan's a "minimum wage jock with a jaw bone."
Just my two cents.
It's not a little judgemental, It's extremely judgemental. But I'll bet 1 copy of "the rules" that I'm right on both counts.
ReplyDelete