The Weekend Update

This is gonna be a long one.

I don't like blonde jokes.  Even if I've never heard it before - it's obnoxious.  Fellers - do not try to woo a blonde with a blonde joke - "Your pritty, and HEY!  Here's a joke that lets you know I think you're sort of stupid, too!  My kinda gal!".  Note photo:  it's naturally blonde.  I'm not laughing at your joke.

You almost had me!  Then you opened your mouth one time too many!  That's the current theme of POF.


So... blew it Friday with Rylan - AGAIN.  Position as life coach - still open.

Walked into the gym Friday, and Rylan hollars, "Hey, SMILF!  You sign up for the raffle yet?"

"Nope.  But I LOVE free stuff... what do I win?"

"No idea.  It's still to be decided."

Weird.  But whatever... I take the ticket he hands me.  Rylan says, "Write your name and number, and I'll call you on Saturday!"

Then he waggles his eyebrows.

This is how out of touch I am with the dating world:  I think he's telling me the draw is on Saturday, and maybe I'll win.

So I say, "GREAT!", and proceed to complete the ticket with my name and WORK NUMBER, and saunter off to the change room.  There, as I'm tying my shoes, it occurs to me that it's another SMILF Fail.

On the way out he popped his head out of the office to yell, "Bye SMILF!"... and I yelled back, "Bye Rylan."

Using his name feels ballsy.  Would you believe I've known it since he signed me up for the gym 2 months ago, and have never once used it. 

IF, and I think we all know this is a hypothetical and not likely to be the case Monday, but IF I grow a "set" between now and the time I walk through the door, the plan is to say, "Hey!  You didn't call me Saturday!"

This is important:

Do NOT hold your breath.

As I was mulling my idiocy... I realized - it's been TEN YEARS since I picked someone up sober or offline, on my own.  I'm used to dating sites, or being obviously hit on and asked out, or set ups.  No wonder I'm braindead.

As for Brett... we spent ALL weekend, up to about the middle of Saturday Night Live on BBM.  He's not really flirty.  He's just chatty.  We've still never met, and he hasn't mentioned it since I mentioned us meeting this coming week.

Here's the thing.  We were chatting about music and totally innocent stuff all night Saturday, when at the end of the night, he says, "I think I'm going to bed... or driving to your house for a back rub"...

DOUBLE-U TEE EFF?

I am not a prude.  I LOVE booty calls in a relationship... keeps it fresh.  We are not IN a relationship.  We hadn't even flirted via BBM.  WE HAVEN'T EVEN MET.  And I'm tired at the time.  So I immediately jump to... what a pig.

I reply with, "Yeah, no.  I definitely would never invite a stranger into my home at midnight, ever, let alone with my kid here.  Try asking me out for something tamer first?"

No reply.  I go to bed.
 
In the morning, I think... ya, I'm pretty sure there should have been a winky face on his message.  I've been talking to him for a week and had no "creep" vibe.  I feel bad.

Sunday morning, I message - "I really have enjoyed talking with you.  I assume you were joking last night - I was tired, sorry I snapped!

He only replied, "I totally was kidding".  That's it.  From a guy that has been messaging me nonstop for a week.  I instigated a lighthearted message a few hours later, and only got a "haha".  I went back to Frogs.  I think I blew it.

Chatting on MSN, as I write this, with Theo, a POF guy.

This post is really long, and I need to go to bed and grow the needed "set" for tomorrow.  I think I'll post tomorrow about the texts from DOUG this weekend.  Seriously.  You'll have to come back tomorrow to read about how Doug dangled his adorableness in front of my nose again.  And didn't ask me out.