This Week Brought To You By The Letter "TEXT".

Oh, Don Draper.  You win.  Rylan's a tool.  He's so pretty!  He was also very helpful, but a total airbag.   Sorry Jess!  He really is just a pogo!  There was really nothing attractive about him once we started talking.  The fantasy dies here.  Let's all observe a moment of solemn silence, and move on.

Did you see the title of this post?  Do you know where it's going?

I'm a devious little woman.  I DID NOT TEXT Doug.  I wrote and deleted 100 texts today, and sent not a one.  You can't flog me.  But...

You knew that "but" was coming, right?  Only smarties read this blog.  So, BUUUUUT...

I know Doug.  He can't resist a funny, cute Facebook status about poop and "The Girl".... so I wrote one. 

*bats eyelashes*

WHAT?!?!?! Totally innocent!  How can you point a finger at me?  All I did was relay a super cute kid tale.  Shut up!

*phone blips*

Doug (D) - I laugh my ass off everytime I read a poop story!  I love it! *Smiley Face*
SMILF (S) - She's a funny little twerp, that's for sure!
D - God, the stories just make me smile.  You guys are awesome.
S - Thanks!  I'm feeling particularly smooshy about life tonight... that put me over the top!
D - Smooshy???  And you're welcome.  I only speak the truth.
S - Yeah.  Smooshy.  Soft, fuzzy, big, warm, grateful, humbled, pleased... all in one word.
D - Excellent!  Very happy to hear that!  I'll hope to use that word too!
S- I'll hope that for you too.  I was thinking tonight that the wonder of having a child is that you can never regret a single event leading up to her, or you wouldn't have THAT kid... and then all the things that hurt after her could be one event closer to that next person you wouldn't change for anything.  My deep thought for the year.  I'm so not an efficient texter.

Aside - Seriously.  Who SENDS text messages that long?  Sigh.

D - *Big Toothy Grin Face*

15 minutes go by.  Then, stupid, cute Doug changes his Facebook status to "Doug hopes to be able to use 'smooshy' in a sentence."

I HAD TO TEXT!  I'm sorry, but you people offer me no support at 9 pm.

S - Can you try not to be so awesome and sweet?  It keeps making me forget you're an idiot.
D - Hahahahahahahahaha!!! Dammit, I just choked on my drink of water.  Umm, I'll try to stop.  Be more idiot like.
S - Or ask me out.  Whatever.
D - Just sayin?
S - Just wishin.
D - *smiley face*
S - But only because you want to, not because you can't seem to say no to me.
D - LOL... but either way...
S - Either way you remain an idiot?  Is that how that finishes?
D - Yes, I remain an idiot.  One who smiles at poop stories, but an idiot nonetheless.  Hope you don't mind, I'm creeping you on Facebook right now... LMAO!  I gotta snap out of this idiot phase!!!  *Refers to one of my vids of The Girl* hahahaha

At this point, I write a very long text about how I have to take him off my Facebook, because when we started dating, I didn't assume he was "testing the waters" or "unsure he was ready to date" and so I just dropped it and just plain liked him... and so everytime he texts or interacts on Facebook I get this hot, hopeful feeling with a huge grin... and frankly, I don't want to hear from him until he wants to ask me out.

I delete it.

S - I just wrote an email via text and deleted it.  STOP BEING CUTE!  -the jist of it
D - Ok.  Sorry.  I'll stop.
S - It's okay.  Only 18 more weeks until you ask me out.  Trust me, the online dating thing, while amusing, is affording you a lot of idiot time.  Lots of "Your pritty" and "so wat do youdo 4 fun".  Its okay, you can laugh!  I do!
D - Hahaha.  Well, I do agree.  Your pritty.
S - Your hansome.
D - *smiley face*

The end.

This better have a Hollywood ending.

Have a Happy Hallowe'en!  I'll be drinking Saturday night at a costume party (an "Event" in my life) while The Girl is at her grandparent's home... let's all bow our heads and pray that "Drunk Text" is NOT the title of Monday's post.