I am breaking a rule:
8. It is absolutely possible to develop a really huge crush on someone via email if it goes on too long, and then feel like a total douchebag when you meet the first time and realize there's not enough gold in Saudi Arabia to get you to have sex with that person. Meet early. Don't make this "I'm a poopy person" inducing mistake. The internet will never measure spark. Do not get invested without a meeting.
Josh and I text all day long right now, and it's cute stuff. He wishes me good night with "Nighters, silly duck". We talk about our kids. We talk about our good minutes, our tough minutes, our funny minutes.
We REALLY have to meet this weekend. This is complicated. He's very okay with hanging with The Girl and I. If I didn't know someone well who knows him well, and has told me to "go for it", that would never happen. Here's his words from an email:
Considering that you might want someone in your life to mesh with what exists already (that being you and The Girl) then wouldn't it stand to reason that we see what chemistry exists in that setting?
But that's a rule. I know it. Really, The Girl meets new people all the time, and this is a friend of a friend... is it totally wrong to go for a walk in a park with a "date" and my child? Ugh. It's FRIDAY, and I still don't know.
Some history, for those that don't know. I don't live anywhere near family, so dating means putting The Girl in care for dates. I'm loathe to do that, because I work full time, and I love spending my weekends with her. And in reality, I'm not looking to date someone that would want her not to be a part of whatever plays out.
But...
If this lasts a year, and next year, I meet someone, and that lasts a year, and on and on and on... what sort of damage will this do to The Girl? Thinking about this... is almost too much to bear. Scares the absolute will to date right out of me. It makes me hesitate... in so many ways. Might be why you guys get so little to read about?
This is one of so many rules I'm negotiating and running into.... as a SMILF. Whole new dating universe.
Break the rule. Your girl will be fine. It's a walk in the park with mom and a nice man who 'summers'. It's not heart wrenching disclosures with someone you feel connected with and then 'poof' he is gone.
ReplyDeleteChildren are notorious egocentric little being. She will forget him as soon as a pretty butterfly flutters by.
As for men walking in and out of you life...cross the bridge when you get to it SMILF, stop creating problems.
Here's what you should do:
go to No Frills to buy the Armstrong cheese cause it's on sale for a low low price of $3.97-a steal.
Then go home and eat said cheese with The Girl,
Then put on some mascara so you can rock the eye flutters
and go out with Josh!!!
Break the rule! It's a walk, girly will view him as just another friend unless you lead on like it's more.
ReplyDeleteI think the confusion comes in with kids when a new partner is dropped in their life full force. Suddenly this person is over for dinner all the time, spending the night all the time, hugging and kissing mommy and creating some confusing situations for a kid to get her head around.
I may not know you IRL, but think I know you well enough to know you're not gonna put the girl in that sort of situation, or yourself.
You need to have them know each other and see how it goes, but like any relationship it's just another layer of how to approach and how slow to take it, one step at a time women. Don't bog it down before it's gotten off the ground. I'm sure being a man with kids he's got some of the same concerns as you too! Give him credit he sounds like a great man, I'm sure he's been in the same place as you before with his kids.
So in closing - DO IT! It's not like a candle lit dinner, Girl will see it how you want her to see it. Have fun!
Can I just say, I have a really good feeling about Josh. He sounds very sweet! I think you should go!
ReplyDeleteHaha at the cheese AngryMILF! I agree with the others, go for it!!
ReplyDeleteI agree. Go for it. She's 2. I mean, really, if she was 10 or 12 and you were planning to date and date, I'd worry. But she's 2. And your SMILF sense will be much more keen now that you're 'dating for two' and I can't see you bouncing in and out of relationships year after year. I think the mommy aspect will help you narrow down what you're looking for for long-term-ness much more easily and I think it will all work out just fine - no emotional scarring for The Girl.
ReplyDeleteCan't wait to see what happens with this....:)
Hi there, haven't posted before but I have been following your blog and love it!
ReplyDeleteI really like this Josh guy... have a good feeling abouth him, I'd say go for it! I think it's ok to go for a walk with him and The Girl, as a matter of fact, not only do I think it's ok, I think it's actually a good idea, especially since you don't have a lot of time with her during the week as a working SMILF, and putting her in care to go on dates takes away from your time with her, plus it racks up your babysitting costs, and this way you can see how the 2 of them interact, which I think is priceless.
As far as this lasting a year and next guy lasting a year and so on, you really can't think that way because if you do you'll never date. I mean you have to be careful and cautious of who you let close to you and The Girl, but I'm sure you do a great screening job, so just trust your gut instinct, and I really think the two of you will be ok.
Do it.
ReplyDeleteI was wondering the same thing myself. We're in a pretty similar situation actually (met through a friend, the non-stop texting including good nights and good mornings, totally being WAY more invested than I should via the internet, talk about my kid (he doesn't have any), good minutes, bad minutes, funny minutes, boring minutes, etc, etc, etc).
The Girl and T meet new people all the time. It's not like either of us would be jumping these guys with our kids around. A walk in the park is fun. Our girls both love walks in the park. If there was no romantic interest would we be second guessing? What if the guys are GREAT with them? Is that really the worst thing ever? I have tonnes of friends who are great with T and it doesn't worry me in the least that she's going to be scarred by their involvement in her life.
We are both smart, strong women who have our kids best interest first and foremost in our minds.
You have my support! (And I guess I have my support too…. Thanks for that. I was second guessing myself earlier but it's pretty clear how I feel looking at it from a third party perspective.)
DO IT! And treat us to a bonus post so we don't have to wait until Monday to hear all about it!